dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I AM VODKA MAN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
