I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
