remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
