On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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