Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
