so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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