In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
