I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
