I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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