Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
