I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
