I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
