i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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