Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
