we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
