My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
