Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
