Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize