If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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