Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
