I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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