this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
