I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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