god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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