Plan B is the new Plan A
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
