So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry about my life...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
