He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I intend to get homeless drunk
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
