If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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