He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
