We should be called the Road Head Warriors
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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