I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
