so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
