So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
