i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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