i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
