hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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