Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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