Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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