White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize