i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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