PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
