I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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