id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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