what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
