im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
