Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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