wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
