I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
