Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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