just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
