I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
