I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize