Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Boobs are out for the taking
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
