I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
