I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
