he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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