another moral hangover. fuck.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just googled if crying burns calories
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
