She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
