There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
