you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
