i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
