i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
