Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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