she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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