I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize