Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
