not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
