you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
