Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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