...so i touched it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
