my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
