Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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