Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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