all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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