Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
